Well-Meaning Soul

Summer-Forest-Grass-Wallpaper

I seek a well-meaning soul that desires to be radical

But there are distractions, and it won’t allow me to be different

It’s easy to sell myself to empty pleasures of this place

It’s easy to be conned by the façade of what seems to be pretty

If only happiness is not so hard to find, If only I knew every answer

Then I would say my ultimate existence in life is complete, yes?

All the while someone is calling my soul to break away from these thoughts of emptiness

To enter the secret place of security and satisfaction

Therefore, I have to make a choice

I’m desperate and I know It, I’m feeling pressed to make a decision fast

Why is it so hard for me to decide?

I can almost feel the walls forming an alliance against me

So, I’m holding my tongue and I’m holding on to my thoughts

I’m going to break through and decide right now

Life. Life. That’s what I want. I want to live.

Whatever it takes, I’m choosing forever with this someone.

I’m choosing consistency. I’m choosing faith.

 

~Picture is not mine and my poem is inspired by Proverbs 31 Ministries.

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Jalapeno Cheetos

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Jalapeno Cheetos makes me smile.

Jalapeno Cheetos makes my tongue go wild.

Jalapeno Cheetos makes me sing all my favorite love songs.

Jalapeno Cheetos makes a great Sunday night snack.

Jalapeno Cheetos makes me alive!

I love this stuff.

~late night randomness. please excuse my cheesiness. 🙂

Let Me Dance

music-box-ballerina-dancer~picture is not mine

Sometimes my voice is too loud for me hear that my heart is shaking in fear.

I’m afraid. I’m afraid of change. I’m afraid of losing control.

I try my best to list all the reasons why, but it’s no use.

And at times, it hurts so bad. I’m hurt all over if I’m not careful. I’m losing the battle.

But what am I to say? This darkness that stares me in the face. I can’t fight it alone. Oh no, I’m so afraid.

Help, help, I’m out of control. I’m falling apart. Someone save me.

Stuck in a spiral of my indecisiveness, why, why am I like this?

I feel feeble and utterly crushed at times; I mean, I can’t even hear groan of anguish in my heart.

My guilt has overwhelmed me, it’s like a burden too heavy to bear.

I’m like a deaf woman who does  not hear because she is stuck in a deep hole which she created for herself.

Like a mute who can offer no reply in her defense, I can’t speak at all

I am so helpless, I am so worried, I offer no excuses for my actions, for I am guilty, no justification.

But, But even so, among  all that is against me, I am still alive.

Because I am waiting upon the Lord for my strength. I will wait for His answer.

I’ve confessed my iniquity to Him; for I was troubled by my sin

Though many are judging me now and hating me, I am right with God. I am honest with my Father.

I have no more fear, I am redeemed. I am free from my troubled past.

My Lord has not forsaken me, He has totally set me free from my destructive self.

I am free to dance, so please, just let me dance.

 

~late night poem inspired by Psalm 38.

 

That’s it, I’m done.

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My thoughts are not your thoughts,

My hope and your hope are totally different,

So why are we together?

Let’s end it now before the hurt deepens any further,

I don’t want to see you cry,

Likewise, you wouldn’t want to see my cry,

Let this ending be a life learning lesson,

Don’t make promises you can’t deliver,

Don’t borrow what you can’t return,

It’s tricky the way love works,

You can’t nurture what doesn’t want to be fed,

You can’t water what’s already dead,

Stop it, just stop it,

This is it, it’s too painful,

You’re breaking my heart,

That’s it, I’m out, and I’m gone,

I’m done. I can’t handle this.

~It’s easy to walk away from our hurt, and that my friend, is how the world operates. Our attitude is, “If this person can’t give me what I need or deserve and can’t make me happy, then I’m ditching him or her.” But why were you in the relationship in the first place? Doesn’t that make you selfish brat? You better be careful what you say or do to someone, because I guarantee you, it will bite you back so hard that it hurts emotionally and physically.

~photo is not mine.

Eternity

 

~Picture is not mine.

 

I stood with God on the edge of the world,

and my hand was in His hand.

I looked down the road of the past,

as it stretched away in the dim distance,

till it was shrouded in the mists of time.

And I knew it had no beginning,

and a little chill wind of fear blew about my head.

God asked, “Are you afraid?”

And I said, “Yes, because I cannot understand how there

can be no beginning.”

So God said, “Let us turn and face the other way.”

And I looked into glory,

and my heart rejoiced with joy unspeakable.

And then my mind went ahead, a billion, billion years,

and I knew there would be no end,

and again that little chill wind of fear began to blow.

And God asked me again, “Are you afraid?”

And I answered, “A little, because I cannot

understand how there can be no end.”

So God asked me tenderly,

“Are you afraid now, today, with your hand in Mine?”

And I looked up at Him and smiled and replied,

“O my Father, No!”

And God said,

“Every day in eternity will be today.”

— Martha Snell Nicholson

That is the God we serve. Everyday is today with God. God has no past, no future. He doesn’t have a future. God sees the future as today. So, whatever happens in your life, please rest in the knowledge that God is holding your hands right now, today, tomorrow and forever. I wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving Holiday, but most importantly, please reflect on why you are alive today and what is your calling in life? What are you thankful for?

 

Unfold

I’m still up and about, thinking about what may come

I’ve come to the conclusion, that I am nowhere done

On my bed, staring up at my glow-in-the-dark sticker-ed ceiling

I got a feeling that nothing’s changed yet, not one thing

 

It’s only logical to think, that I am the way that I am

But this me I see, sometimes can get out of hand

I’m still unclear about what my future holds

I think it’s about that time, to start singing new song

 

I’m going to sing a song, that is different from the rest

A song with meaningful lyrics, that will put my dreams to the test

Stretch out my wings and not be afraid embark on a new path

I’ will pray for God’s blessings, so that I won’t receive His wrath

~picture is not mine.

Reality

 

What would you think, if you were to see my tears?

Would you claim the right to know all my fears?

You search and you can’t find

I’m not letting you see through this my mind of mine

These thoughts of mind belong only to me

Permission is granted, only if I decide to let you see

Truth

Should the light shine in on my deepest depths

And you see the ghosts of my greatest sins

Would you retrace the path of my mis-steps

To the secrets I have hidden within?

 

Would you follow me to the dark places?

If I told you my regrets and my fears

If I showed you the uglier faces

Of pride and shame in my earlier years

 

Could your love come to me in the shadows?

Where the world is not black and white, but gray

Me, myself and I have been such sad foes

Betray the truth and the truth can betray

 

Should I risk the rapture of what’s to come

To have you know the places I have been?

The past is the past, what’s done has been done

What use is it to journey there again?

 

Would you love me more if you knew better

How I came to be the woman I am?

Or would you love me less and the ties sever

If I gave you truth would you give a damn?

 

Could these revelations shine light on you?

Proof of my indescretions could be proof

Do you really love me like you say you do?

Truth can betray when you betray the truth

~anonymous.

~picture is not mine.

To Grasp

~picture not mine.

 

Did you hear, Did you hear?

It’s okay, God will take care of you

But I’m still broken

Well, stop crying and get yourself repaired!

Actually, that’s quite a good idea

And you know what, I’m okay

I just had to let go of some junk in my life

Leave all the rest behind and rejoice in the Lord

It won’t be easy, but I think I’ll make it

I’m saved