Sometimes my voice is too loud for me hear that my heart is shaking in fear.
I’m afraid. I’m afraid of change. I’m afraid of losing control.
I try my best to list all the reasons why, but it’s no use.
And at times, it hurts so bad. I’m hurt all over if I’m not careful. I’m losing the battle.
But what am I to say? This darkness that stares me in the face. I can’t fight it alone. Oh no, I’m so afraid.
Help, help, I’m out of control. I’m falling apart. Someone save me.
Stuck in a spiral of my indecisiveness, why, why am I like this?
I feel feeble and utterly crushed at times; I mean, I can’t even hear groan of anguish in my heart.
My guilt has overwhelmed me, it’s like a burden too heavy to bear.
I’m like a deaf woman who does not hear because she is stuck in a deep hole which she created for herself.
Like a mute who can offer no reply in her defense, I can’t speak at all
I am so helpless, I am so worried, I offer no excuses for my actions, for I am guilty, no justification.
But, But even so, among all that is against me, I am still alive.
Because I am waiting upon the Lord for my strength. I will wait for His answer.
I’ve confessed my iniquity to Him; for I was troubled by my sin
Though many are judging me now and hating me, I am right with God. I am honest with my Father.
I have no more fear, I am redeemed. I am free from my troubled past.
My Lord has not forsaken me, He has totally set me free from my destructive self.
I am free to dance, so please, just let me dance.
~late night poem inspired by Psalm 38.